I am done, so done with the fact that I am overweight. I am done hiding who I am, and always being afraid because of the size that I am. I am done not posting anything because I am afraid of what people may think about me. I am done.
Today, I am changing it. Today is day 1 of the new me. No more excuses, no more lack of motivation. No more big me. I am going to do this the right way, and if that means offending someone because of my current weight, and talking about my fat. Well I am not sorry. You can just turn around and walk away.
I am doing this for me, for my mom, for my future husband, and future kids. I will never ever weigh this much again.
April 1st Stats:
Current weight – 339
Starting weight – 345
First Goal – 300
There it is, that is me. I can only be slightly ashamed, it is still me, still my body, and yes, some days I hate it, but if I hate my body now, I don’t think I will ever find joy in it.
Let’s see where this goes.
Anyone who has met me knows I don’t stick with certain things for very long. There are exceptions like what toothbrush I use and what shampoo and conditioner I use. Those things seem to remain the same yet everything else has to change every so weeks.
Yesterday I got to urge to rearrange my room, this is huge for me, I am very picky about my room and yet on most day when it may seem like a tornado went through, it is my space. Yesterday I wanted to change it – again.
So, at midnight, I sat down on my bed and tried to decide how I wanted to change it up, I usually move furniture but in the end I just decided to move some posters and clean it up. Of course my closet is a different story, I usually am afraid to go in there because I hate it, but i digress.
I am almost finished with my room and I like it. Like, I really like it, and I almost never do when I am this far. I didn’t change much, I put up new lights and as I said earlier, I moved posters around. I also took down all the little stuff on my walls. I will be putting up some pictures I took and had printed, I am 19 almost 20, I should have a room that looks like it. Although the walking dead poster and the Tom Daley posters I ordered yesterday may seem childish.
I am almost perfectly at peace right now. I haven’t felt this way since Arizona, three years ago. Wow, three years since I moved here from Arizona.
Maybe it is the fact that my bedroom window is open and music is on.
This is almost perfect.
Amazing isn’t it?
The thought that you could do anything and not fail is what keeps me up at night.
What would you do?
I am getting over a cold
I am 19
It is Easter
I put up my new purple lights in my room and they are pretty
I have decided to make lists more often
I dream to live in London, or in the UK
I bought two new posters
They are of Tom Daley
I cleaned my room and inbox
I decided that work will just have to listen to me from now on
I hate using periods after sentences when making lists
I decided that I need to blog more to get things out of my head
My dogs got a bath, and Sammy is itching like crazy
Listened to Octane in my room, while just chilling (haven’t done that in a long time)
I should be sleeping
But my brain wont turn off
I seem to have this problem more often these last few weeks
Had a talk with my aunt about moving out of my parents house
Yes, I still live with my parents
Hey free room and food…
I am to much of a chicken to move out
and to afraid to move out
I wish I was in college
no I don’t
To much in my head
This is really relaxing
I have lost a total of 10 pounds
I have no urge to eat anything
My food for yesterday consisted of an apple, egg sandwich and a bowl of cereal, now at once…throughout the day
I want to be a professional photographer
and photograph sporting events, like the olympics
But I am going to school for audio engineering
i have a stuffed donkey that dances to Im sexy and I know it.
It is pink
this is really random