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Today is the day

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I am done, so done with the fact that I am overweight. I am done hiding who I am, and always being afraid because of the size that I am. I am done not posting anything because I am afraid of what people may think about me. I am done. 

Today, I am changing it. Today is day 1 of the new me. No more excuses, no more lack of motivation. No more big me. I am going to do this the right way, and if that means offending someone because of my current weight, and talking about my fat. Well I am not sorry. You can just turn around and walk away. 

I am doing this for me, for my mom, for my future husband, and future kids. I will never ever weigh this much again. 

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April 1st Stats:
Current weight – 339 
Starting weight – 345
First Goal – 300

There it is, that is me. I can only be slightly ashamed, it is still me, still my body, and yes, some days I hate it, but if I hate my body now, I don’t think I will ever find joy in it. 

Let’s see where this goes. :D

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Almost perfection

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Anyone who has met me knows I don’t stick with certain things for very long. There are exceptions like what toothbrush I use and what shampoo and conditioner I use. Those things seem to remain the same yet everything else has to change every so weeks. 

Yesterday I got to urge to rearrange my room, this is huge for me, I am very picky about my room and yet on most day when it may seem like a tornado went through, it is my space. Yesterday I wanted to change it – again. 

So, at midnight, I sat down on my bed and tried to decide how I wanted to change it up, I usually move furniture but in the end I just decided to move some posters and clean it up. Of course my closet is a different story, I usually am afraid to go in there because I hate it, but i digress. 

I am almost finished with my room and I like it. Like, I really like it, and I almost never do when I am this far. I didn’t change much, I put up new lights and as I said earlier, I moved posters around. I also took down all the little stuff on my walls. I will be putting up some pictures I took and had printed, I am 19 almost 20, I should have a room that looks like it. Although the walking dead poster and the Tom Daley posters I ordered yesterday may seem childish. 

I am almost perfectly at peace right now. I haven’t felt this way since Arizona, three years ago. Wow, three years since I moved here from Arizona. 

Maybe it is the fact that my bedroom window is open and music is on. :D  

This is almost perfect. 

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Red Blankets and Cough Drops

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Today -
I am getting over a cold
I am 19
It is Easter
I put up my new purple lights in my room and they are pretty
I have decided to make lists more often
I dream to live in London, or in the UK
I bought two new posters
They are of Tom Daley
=)
I cleaned my room and inbox
I decided that work will just have to listen to me from now on
I hate using periods after sentences when making lists
I decided that I need to blog more to get things out of my head
My dogs got a bath, and Sammy is itching like crazy
Listened to Octane in my room, while just chilling (haven’t done that in a long time)
I should be sleeping
But my brain wont turn off
I seem to have this problem more often these last few weeks
Had a talk with my aunt about moving out of my parents house
Yes, I still live with my parents
Hey free room and food…
I am to much of a chicken to move out
and to afraid to move out
I wish I was in college
no I don’t
To much in my head
This is really relaxing
I have lost a total of 10 pounds
I have no urge to eat anything
My food for yesterday consisted of an apple, egg sandwich and a bowl of cereal, now at once…throughout the day
I want to be a professional photographer
and photograph sporting events, like the olympics
But I am going to school for audio engineering
Not photography.
i have a stuffed donkey that dances to Im sexy and I know it.
It is pink
this is really random
goodnight